“Hold that plane!” We urged arriving at the departure gate. Our return home escapade was already episodic (see Air Adventures II) but finally we’d caught a plane just before departure. With more passengers streaming behind us from the airline “limo” ride for this flight we tried to help them by holding the airplane for them. It was a futile gesture as the next crisis was already starting.

After some heated discussion we did manage to keep the doors open until everyone was aboard and seated as the airline personnel were less than helpful. We were frequent business fliers and they lost quite a bit of future business that day as the story of our adventure percolated throughout our company.

Taking our assigned seats which were located at the rear of the plane near the toilets we waited for departure. We waited and waited and waited then waited some more. We waited so long I wondered why American Airlines gave us so much grief about getting to the gate before the planes doors were closed. Clearly they had plenty of flexibility but strangely they were unwilling to accommodate their customers. As soon as we were aboard they closed the doors and forced us to wait in our assigned seats.

To put it mildly, the wait was unpleasant. We were aboard an old Airbus (310, I think) that had a poor ventilation which didn’t work on the ground. The temperature in Houston hovered near 100 degrees and the humidity was in the mid-90s but it was worse in the plane which resembled a large cigar shaped oven cooking hot dogs.

Walking to our assigned seats in the back of the plane we stopped abruptly as we ran into a strong pungent barrier slowly spreading from the back of the plane forward. The toilets were backed up! There were plenty of empty seats forward on that plane and we turned to sit somewhere less offensive when we were informed that we must sit in our assigned seats or the plane wouldn’t take off. In fact they threatened to have us arrested by airport security for complaining.

We wanted to get home so bowed to the pressure. I tried shallow breathing but it didn’t help. I suppose you can always find a silver lining if you look hard enough. Our silver lining came from the lady sitting next to me. She was on her way home to Los Angeles from South America (Peru I think) and was suffering from Montezuma’s revenge (or travelers’ diarrhea). The heat, humidity and smell affected her far worse than me which was made worse by the fact that there was only one working toilet available for our section. After a continuing series of dry heaves they let her use one of the forward bathrooms then insisted she return to her assigned seat while we waited at the gate.

The poor woman was miserable but the airline didn’t seem to care. Finally my business companion could stand it no more. The plane was fairly empty and conditions were so bad that not even the stewards wanted to come to the rear to check on the passengers. Helping the lady forward my companion placed her in an empty seat near some working toilets and away from the smell. The airline personnel never detected the change. It was still hot and miserable for the lady but hopefully she suffered less.

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Tags: airline, travel

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