Sound Surprise
November 18th, 2009 by Grandpa OddballCopyright © GetOddNews and Grandpa Oddball November 18, 2009. All rights reserved.
Have you ever tried to sneak up on somebody using a walker?
I can tell you from recent experience it doesn’t work. With therapy I am able to use a walker but sneaking around is another ballgame! Yesterday I tried sneaking behind Grandma Oddball so I could surprise her with a hug and kiss. Regrettably my walker betrayed me.
It’s not the first time sounds have bedeviled me. It happens all the time. In fact at one point I started creating fantasy scenes for use in my novels. Yes, believe it or not I’ve written some novels (unpublished). It’s a useful way to relieve frustrations, express opinions and say those clever nasty things you wished you’d thought to say when responding to jerks and charlatans.
Anyway sounds so often betray me and I thought to use them in writing:
There he was trapped up a hill watching a gang of brutal lawless hedonists searching for more victims. He had to escape before they caught him. Carefully, slowly he made his way back in the dark to his car unobserved. If he could just coast to the bottom of the hill unseen he could start the car and get away before they could regroup and catch him.
Opening the car door he quietly released the brake and pushed when disaster struck. A deep sonorous voice suddenly boomed out,
“The door is not closed.”
Shut up blabbermouth he thought but the car safety system relentlessly continued,
“Please fasten your seatbelt.”
Gurrrrrr! He pushed on desperately. As the car rolled down the hill he jumped in only to hear,
“Turn on your lights.”
Behind him the mob was already in pursuit. Not so silently cursing a car that nags he started the car just as …
Another prime example of modern technology automating the ancient skill of nagging is exposed. With a multitude of lawsuits clogging the legal system such nagging has been elevated to an annoying art. Take appliances for example. Grandma Oddball sometimes has to leave me dinner to heat in a microwave. I set the timer, start the microwave and go to eat my salad she’s left me. I’ve hardly taken a bite when, “ding” the microwave announces it is finished.
Okay but that’s not the end of it. As I continue eating the appliance continues nagging,”ding, ding, ding”.
“All right, all right, I hear you. I’ll come as soon as I finish my salad,” I shout at the blasted thing.
It does no good. Unrelentingly the damn thing continues, “DING, DING, DING.” Getting both louder and more frequent as time marches on until I can’t stand it any longer and retrieve my dinner early so I can finish my salad in peace.
When will it stop!
I guess it depends on your background too. Take trains for example. Grandma Oddball can sleep like the dead when a train rumbles nearby. She grew up on a Minnesota farm whose house was less than a quarter of a mile from the railroad tracks and trains don’t bother her at all.
Not me! When we lived in Idaho we were living about a mile and a half from the railroad tracks. I swear I heard every passing train during the night.
Oh well, I don’t often hear the garbage trucks that bother Grandma Oddball so I guess that makes even or at least compatible.
this article with others.
