Lost! I felt terrible. I’d looked long and hard for the perfect toy for our son and now it was lost. How, I wondered, could my wife be so calm, so unconcerned, so almost satisfied in the face of this misfortune?

I found the toy train engine just by lucky accident and it had everything I desired. I’d wanted a toy that was both fun and educational. This little plastic train engine did both admirably. You could wind it up and watch all the little gears inside move through the clear plastic train body while it motored across our kitchen floor. He would learn naturally how mechanical devices worked though normal play.

But wait, there’s more. This was no ordinary train toy. Not only was it educational but it was fun too. The insides were suitably complicated with gears, wheels, springs and even a bellows which provided the breath to play a cute little tune while traveling which fascinated my son.

Our son loved it. He would spend hour after hour in the kitchen with that train. Toot, toot, toot wafted all day long throughout the house as that little engine was wound up over and over and over again. I had to work so naturally I wasn’t able to experience the joy of watching our son develop his intellect but my wife kept me informed.

“He won’t stop playing with that train. That damn tune is driving me nuts. All day long it’s toot,toot, toot.”

Or words to that effect. It was a little hard to hear exactly what she said through clenched teeth but I got the idea. The train was a hit with our son and I expected that in no time at all he’d become an engineering genius. Then disaster struck and we lost the train engine!

We searched high and low for that train but to no avail. It couldn’t be found. The disaster had an unforeseen effect on my wife. It seemed to unhinge her somewhat. She kept making these funny chortling noises as we searched. Clearly the loss affected her so deeply she was losing control. I decide to cut the search short and comfort her by telling her not to worry, I’d get another one.

“Don’t bother,” she informed me as this strange look passed over her face.

That’s my wife, ever thoughtful but I felt terrible about the loss and was determined to fix things. Unfortunately I couldn’t. I’d bought the last train engine and couldn’t find another store that carried it. Apparently the engine was too complicated for some wives and they actually threatened the store owner with bodily harm if he sold another to their husbands. What a sad commentary on the times. Fortunately my wife is made of sterner stuff.

Years later when we moved to Washington state I found the train engine wedged inside a crawl space in the roof. I’m still somewhat mystified how our son managed to lose it there. I didn’t think he could even climb a ladder but somehow he managed it. If I had known he was that athletic I’d have spent more time playing sports with him.

I was reminded of all this when our grandson’s birthday approached. I thought it might be a good idea to give the old train engine to him as a present. Sort of keep it in the family but my wife vetoed that idea. It was a little hard to understand from the confused and frankly incoherent babble that suddenly poured forth exactly why it wasn’t a good idea. As near as I could make out it was something about maintaining good relations with our daughter.

Upon reflection, I guess she’s right. There’s something odd about that train engine. Some odd mystical power that even after 35 years unhinges wives. How else can you explain such a spurious reason for not giving our grandson such a wonderful present. I’d feel terrible unleashing that kind of malevolent power on our daughter.

Tags: family, Humor

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