Once again I’m thrown into the realm the unknown. After several false starts it was decided last week to do a version of radiation therapy to try and kill the offending pancreas cells. In short I get to be guinea pig again as no one has tried this procedure on “healthy” (i.e., non-cancerous) tissue before. Well, someone has to be the first I suppose and if it works (75-80% chance of success is the guesstimate) then at least one of my medical problems will be mitigated. Here is a personal and sometimes humorous account of what’s happened so far.

I was assured that this whole procedure would be painless with minimal side effects. It’s too early to comment on the side effects but I can comment on the pain; THEY LIED! Well perhaps lying is too strong a word since they weren’t aware of my back problems but the procedure was definitely not painless.

The problem started on my first visit for a preliminary CT scan to locate the target area to be radiated. At first it looked like a conventional setup. I’ve had maybe a hundred CT scans in the last six years so expected this to be easy especially since no IV contrast was needed but as I lay down on the table I immediately noticed the difference. The table was very hard and very flat and as I was levered into the desired position by the technicians my back problems surfaced in the form of a terrific lower back pain. They tried wedges under my knees and a head rest but nothing helped.

In order to mark my body up for the next session I had to take off my shirt. In order to take off my shirt I had to unfasten my drain bag from it. I do this every night and hang the bag off the side of the bed via the drain tube in my back to help drain that corrosive and nasty pancreatic fluid from my body cavity. I did so and by force of habit tossed the bag over the side of the table.

This freaked the technician out. Leaping forward she took the bag and placed it between my knees while admonishing me, “DON’T DO THAT”. The technician was very sensitive and worried about damaging me in some way. I couldn’t see grandma Oddball to tell if she was as amused as I was.

Finally I was positioned almost correctly with my arms and elbows in an awkward position and my body somewhat contorted so the radiation beams could do their intended job and I rewarded with the mantra that was soon to be repeated ad nauseam, “DON’T MOVE.”

By this time my back pain had progressed to some degree of numbness and I sought to lighten the proceedings. Constantly asking if I was all right or in pain the technician opened the door to a wisecrack but looking at how sensitive she was I decided not to walk through by suddenly yelping. That would have been a dirty trick and besides I know all about the boy who cried wolf. There was nothing for it but to stay silent. Every few minutes another technician came in and slightly repositioned my body saying, “You’re doing great, DON’T MOVE.”

The radiologist was then called in to examine the scans. Once again I was told what was happening and heard the command, “DON’T MOVE.” The radiologist repositioned my arms and body into another awkward and somewhat contorted position further aggravating my back pain. He then left the room saying, “DON’T MOVE”, as he left.

We went through the whole procedure again until finally the technician came in and said, “We’re all done, DON’T MOVE!”

Don’t move? I thought we were done. As I lay there not moving the technician took a “sharpie” or grease pen and started marking up my body. Finally she took pictures of my markings and my position from all sorts of angles. This was to help in the next session in positioning me properly. In time she was done and gave the all clear to move.

As they helped me sit up the numbness disappeared and the pain shot back. I sat on the edge of the table until the pain subsided a little, fastened my drain bag back in place, and apparently made some smart remark (which I have since forgotten) as a nurse came in to escort us out. Grandma Oddball always sympathetic then humorously replied to the effect of “buck up and quit whining.”

The nurse thought this funny and commented through her laughter, “You have a wicked sense of humor.”

When I replied, “You’re half right,” I received a stare that almost rivaled The Look. Not even grandma’s laugh could mollify her. I was clearly on her undesirable list. I bet she thought I abused grandma Oddball as well. We were escorted out in silence.

We were told the markings may wear off before the next session as I bathed so they gave us a spare marker pen to trace over the markings if they started to fade. Sure enough they started to fade and grandma remarked the body adding some happy faces and hearts in clear places on my stomach where it looked like they probably wouldn’t interfere with the procedure. We were then ready for the next session which was a “dry run” through.

Pages:
1 2 next page »»

Tags: Humor, medical update

This entry was posted on Friday, May 21st, 2010 at 12:16 pm and is filed under Grandpa Oddball, Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

this article with others.