Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category
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When we were younger grandma oddball and I spent a lot of time relaxing by camping and hiking. At the time we naively assumed that official maps and literature describing forest service and national park trails and campgrounds were somewhat descriptive of the areas we planned on visiting. Unfortunately (more...)
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Lost! I felt terrible. I'd looked long and hard for the perfect toy for our son and now it was lost. How, I wondered, could my wife be so calm, so unconcerned, so almost satisfied in the face of this misfortune?
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Do you know the difference between a therapist and a sadist?
Answer: A therapist is relentless!
And a good thing too. Without them I'd probably be dead by now. learn why »
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Skeptics! That's what I've produced. Generations of skeptics. I try telling my children and now my grandchildren how we muddled through life and their eyes roll up in concert with with a look of almost pained disbelief. It's almost as if they're blurting out, "Oh no, here we go again!"
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Have you ever tried to sneak up on somebody using a walker?
I can tell you from recent experience it doesn't work. With therapy I am able to use a walker but sneaking around is another ballgame! (more...)
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I'm officially old or so Grandma Oddball tells me. Apparently this also means I lose my sense of humor as well as my youth. This vexes Grandma Oddball no end. (more...)
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Cats love me. I'm easy to torment. They love Grandma Oddball too but they don't torment her. They also love our children but I'm the only one they actively torment and I don't know why. Take our son for instance. He teases cats unmercifully and they constantly come back for more. No matter how much he abuses them they always come back for more. But me? I try to ignore them but it isn't possible.
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I have GOD (Grandpa Oddball Disease). Its symptoms include delusions, mental scarring and even permanent death (much worse than temporary death!).
WHO CAN I SUE?????????
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Have you ever tasted baby food? When our daughter was a baby I tried it and no wonder babies are fussy!
Why, I wondered, did baby food taste so ... uh, bad, let's say. (more...)
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"Do you have any books on UNIX?" I asked the reference librarian at one of our local libraries some years ago (before I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis). The man seemed taken aback and a bit nervous. He looked at me strangely like I was some weirdo that had just wandered off the street and was going to attack him.
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'An epic saga filled with love, lust, danger, adventure, loyalty and betrayal. A family's heroic struggle against the nature's fury in the Sierra Nevada mountains chronicled by those who lived through it and survived! It's the story of .....' Ah, well, not quite I guess. Actually it was our first vacation to Yosemite valley after moving from Moscow (Idaho) to Santa Barbara (California) and I'm writing about it because it was memorable.
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Why do women have this unreasoning stereotype concerning men? Whenever they get together and start snickering and gesturing punctuated by sharp barks of laughter followed by all them glancing knowingly your way then you know they're discussing TV remote control usage or messy diapers or some such topic that illustrate men's deficiencies. I think this is grossly unfair. It's particularly unfair since we try our best to help out by relieving them of some of their burdensome household chores.
Take children and diapers for example. (more...)
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Yes, life did go on beyond the grade - the Lewiston grade that is. At the time I wasn't so sure. It was early in our married life and we'd recently moved to Northern Idaho and believe me that was a cultural shock for a city boy like me. Communication didn't always proceed smoothly despite the illusion of a common language. My wife on the other hand being an old Minnesota farm girl fit in like a custom glove except in one particular. She never got used to driving mountain roads. Fortunately, or so I thought, for some reason I had no such trouble. In fact, I rather enjoyed the challenge.
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Concentrating furiously on my therapy trying to recover after better than four years in hospitals and nursing homes I had no idea what was coming. The therapy was hard (for me) and I wasn't paying as much attention to my surroundings as I should have or I would have noticed the conversation ensuing between my wife and one of the therapists nearby. My first inkling to the unfolding drama was when I heard the words South Dakota and puddle drift my way. Glancing over I encountered THE LOOK (you happily married husbands know what that means) and it was then I knew what was coming.
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Yup, that's what the sign said as Grandma Oddball drove by one of our local car dealerships. Almost as amusing was their reaction when Grandma Oddball called to inquire how much their used pus cost. After some confusion the phone went silent except for the voice of the receptionist fading away, "Oh dear, .....". An hour later when Grandma Oddball drove by the sign has been removed!
This is just one of many odd juxtapositions that we find amusing. Take the Vineyard Church near where we live.
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I found raising a son less stressful than raising a daughter. Partly because they had different personalities and partly because my son hid some his escapades from me until he was older but there were exceptions. Take yellow snow, for example.
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Terror oozed from my daughter's rigid back as she fled down the hallway trailed by my son whose plaintive cry, "Can we eat out tonight?" echoed back to the kitchen. Clearly an overreaction. Boy, some people just don't appreciate creativity or have any sense of adventure. I mean, it's not like I haven't cooked before. I did have some experience in the kitchen and my wife clearly treasured the respite from her hectic schedule. Brooking no nonsense she gently supported me by telling our children,"Don't worry, mommy will make it alright".
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And it was a extraordinary feeling. My children looked up to me, admired me and believed with all their heart everything I said. I was immortal and knew everything. I vividly remember the time when my daughter asked, "What was Lincoln like?" Such trust!
Then it all seemed to go bad. ... learn how »
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It started by necessity and ended in ignominy. In my defense I point out that we were student poor and had to get food somehow or abandon our dreams of a college education. Besides it wasn't such a bad idea. It's just the execution that was somewhat flawed.Early in our married life my wife worked to enable me to attend school. By early I mean literally we were poor. Indeed had they had such statistics back then we would have scraped the bottom of the poverty barrel. We were always struggling to buy not just school supplies but such basic necessities as food and housing. Consequently we were ever on the lookout for ways to save money and one particularly enticing idea was to plant a garden.
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